"The good news is, the spill should be diluted by the Melting Icecaps."

That's a quote from David Letterman. And if the oil spill disaster in the Gulf wasn't such a major disaster, this would be funny.

I try to keep things fairly light on here, but I'm getting pissed. So I'm going to take a minute to rant and link to a few things for posterity.

We all know the story of Hurricane Katrina. I have to admit. This does NOT look dangerous to me....




August 29, 2005, the Sixth largest Hurricane in history made landfall near New Orleans. It was the largest natural disaster to ever strike the United States. 80% of the city of New Orleans was flooded when the levee system gave way. Citizens of the United States came Un-Fucking-glued when the government didn't respond quickly enough.

Let me vent on that. We didn't respond quickly enough to help people who decided to ignore warnings to evacuate a city when the (at the time) strongest hurricane EVER RECORDED IN THE HISTORY OF THE GULF OF MEXICO was bearing down on their city, and they lived basically in a ditch between the Atlantic Ocean and a gigantic fucking lake. I'm not a fucking rocket scientist, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night, and one time I played a rocket scientist on TV. These people IGNORED WARNINGS and stayed in the face of the impending doom. Then bitched that George Bush and the US government wasn't responding fast enough.

On September 3, 2005, MENSA candidate Kanye West declared that George Bush "doesn't care about black people." 4 days later!

4 days? Honestly? That means the President of the United States doesn't like an entire race of people? He's mad that the President didn't send the Army in to search for thousands of people who CHOSE to stay across hundreds of square miles of devastation. In college, we left Papa Johns pizza boxes sitting 2 feet from the couch piled up in the corner of the apartment (until furry mold grew from them) for months at a time, because it was too much effort to pick it up and carry it 4 feet to a trash can.

Do you get my point here?

Now zip forward to today, May 22, 2010. Over a month ago, an oil rig owned by a British company exploded in the Gulf of Mexico, spilling tens or even hundreds of thousands of gallons a day of oil. A month later, and essentially nothing has changed. NOTHING HAS CHANGED AFTER A MONTH! We are talking about something 5,000 feet away from the surface of the ocean. I can walk to a Wawa in 5,000 feet. The leak is 5,000 feet away, not on the damned moon!!!

Let me put this in perspective. The Exxon Valdez disaster spilled 11 million barrels of oil. This disaster has already spilled 6 million, with no end in sight. The most LIBERAL of news sources, MSNBC, (home to Olberman and Maddow....aka Team Kanye) says that this will be worse than the Valdez. My commentary is simple. Where is the outrage that the government is not doing enough? Why does Barack Obama not get skewered for the response to this disaster? Especially when his party is the party that is supposed to be the one caring for the environment.

I guess I understand it. First, it's just not cool to rip him because of the color of his skin. It's racist to say he's not responding fast enough. Second, George Bush was an easy target. (And he was, believe me, he did enough dumb shit that Republicans may never get elected again.) Third, I think everyone still feels like offshore drilling is a Republican issue. I believe, and maybe I'm a conspiracy theorist, that the Dems are letting this thing leak intentionally, to create an environmental catastrophe. Then they can look up and say "hey, we told you offshore drilling was bad. Let's stop letting anyone drill." People like Obama. Shit, I'd like to attend a beer summit with the guy. He's charismatic and a great speaker. It still doesn't absolve him of responsibility.

Bottom line here is this.

Barack Obama took over the auto industry. He's helped guide congress into taking control of the health industry. He took control of some major insurance and financial institutions. He was quick to act in all of those areas. Why not now? Why let a FOREIGN company continue oversight of this disaster. I simply don't get it.

Jay Leno had a great line a week or two ago.

"I love this. On the news today, the CEO of British Petroleum says he believes the overall environmental impact of this oil spill will be very modest. Yeah. If you live in ENGLAND!"

Let's get real. We have the ability to fix this problem, and we can fix it today. They had a concrete cap to seal the well that was stymied because ice crystals formed inside. Have you ever heard of heat? Fuck, I've been hearing about global warming incessantly for 20 years. We can't figure out how to just put a heater inside that cap and keep the ice from forming. Come on. Me and my kids can fix this shit with a few AA batteries, for crying out loud.

In the end, I want 2 things to stop.

The spill. It's a damned catastrophe. Let's fix it today. Barack Obama, please get control of this thing, put every resource of our government on the problem, and try something every day to solve the crisis.

The free pass that we give the President. I'm OK with the bashing George Bush took. There was some truth behind it. But let's not give the new guy a free pass. It's time to speak up, and demand that something be done.

My final thought is this. I can't help but wonder. Did we have the wrong presidents in place at the wrong times? I mean, a black president during Katrina would certainly have reacted quicker. And if he hadn't, at least we would not have had the divisive arguments that race played a part in the response. And I can't help but think that with his knowledge and connections in the Oil industry, George Bush would certainly have had a better response to this disaster.

If we could only swap their places in history.

The Lady I know

If you've never seen this clip with Dana Carvey from the SNL years, your life has been missing something. You are welcome. Go on with the rest of your life now.

I am not joking, I'm excited to see this.

I'm taking the family today to see this. I really liked the first one. Hope this one is as good.

And I can't leave out the music video...

Ashamed and Proud

As my moniker and blog title might imply, I attended an institute of higher learning called "JMU." James Madison University, which is located in Harrisonburg, Virginia. It is a wonderful area, beautiful and scenic, and the place where I spent the most fun 6 or 7 years of my life. It's a good school. A really good one. It was when I went, and it still is. And I'm very proud to be an alumnus of the University.

Recently an event occurred at the school which has cast it into the news around the Washington, DC area. It has been an embarrassing story which I've tried to follow through websites, news outlets and fellow alumni from the area, since I now live near Philadelphia.

For many years, going back to the late 80's and early 90's when I attended, there has been a block party in April in a townhouse community called "Forest Hills." It was basically a street with one entrance/exit (as I remember it) filled with town homes. The residents would pick a weekend, and tell everyone "hey. Let's all get kegs on such and such date, and invite our friends. Turn it into a big block party." That's how I remember it happening, and I attended it more than once.

With the growth of social media, and the history of 20+ years of partying to go along with it, the Forest Hills Block Party has grown and grown. This year, the students had the idea of creating Facebook "fan" pages, and the like. It became a party that students from other colleges would want to attend.

To make a long story short, the party got out of hand. Riot police were brought in, and tear gas was used to disperse the crowds. Cars were damaged. Property was damaged. Many arrests were made. A schools reputation was damaged. Here is an example of one YouTube video I found regarding the incident.

Watching this video, I can't help but be anything other than ashamed. YouTube search for Springfest Riots, there are tons more. This was the first that popped up.

But over the last week or two, another story has developed, of which I feel a certain sense of pride. The police and the University have a bit of egg on their face. They are doing a bit of a witch hunt, tracking down YouTube videos and other postings of pictures to try to identify people who may have been involved in the criminal activity. I think it may be excessive, but so be it.

The student run newspaper at JMU is called "The Breeze." They had staff photographers and people assigned to cover the large party, and it obviously turned out to be a larger news story than anyone expected. On Friday, the Commonwealth's Attorney showed up at the offices of the paper with a warrant to seize any and all photos regarding the incident. Refusal to turn the photos over would result in all computers and equipment being confiscated, which would make continuing to produce the paper impossible. They wound up confiscating over 900 photos. But the student editor in chief realized that this was a violation of the federal Privacy Protection Act. She sought legal counsel, consulted her faculty advisers, and contacted an organization that helps give legal advice and protection to student run newspapers. For this, I am proud. This young lady, Katie Thisdell, has the guts and fortitude to stand up for free speech, privacy protection, and overall civil liberties in the face of quite a firestorm. I'm not sure that I would have the courage to do that now. I'm almost positive that I wouldn't have had the balls to do it then.

I've simplified the story. If you would like to read more, here is an article from the Breeze.

Congratulations Katie and the rest of the staff at the Breeze. You made me proud to be a JMU graduate again. Fight the good fight. Good luck.

More political incorrectness

I loved my post so much yesterday, I thought I'd share another clip from Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay. The movie is chock full of scenes like this.

Best line in the whole thing is the black guy in the background who yells "ask if they have any Kool-Aid." Hysterical.

Political Correctness and Japanese People

A month or so ago, just after the Olympics, I was having a few beers with my brother and some friends at a local watering hole. (OK, OK, I admit, I was shitfaced at Victory Brewing Company. You're so fucking smart...) The conversations turned to political correctness, and how people that aren't white just look funny.

Our era of Political Correctness sickens me. People are just appalled when you make a joke based on ethnicity. But that shit is funny. And on top of that, I think this era of political correctness diminishes and downplays real-world political situations that are dangerous and worthy of at least some measured form of "keeping one's guard up."

I'm forty years old. I grew up in the 70's. It seemed like ancient history at the time to me, but World War 2 was only 25 years in the rear view mirror at that point. Like, that's how long ago I graduated high school. (Actually, 1987, but close enough for my purposes here.) It's not THAT far back. Like 1985, the MOVE bombing in Philadelphia occurred. Reagan took his second oath of office. "Careless Whisper" by WHAM! was the number one song. Foreigner wanted to know what love was in 1985. Eddie Murphy's girl wanted to Party all the Time in 1985.

That's pretty recent, right?

So with that in mind, I can remember plenty of political IN-correctness from my youth. But looking back, I think it was justified. Remember when a friend snuck up on you, we used to call that "japping" someone. Rightfully so. Those motherfuckers pulled off the ultimate sneak attack of all time. (Which, by the way, led to a pretty fucking disappointing Jerry Bruckheimer movie 60 years later that I still resent the short black haired slanty eyed people for....)

I actually said that I was going to "Jap" a waitress or waiter at Victory that night if they didn't bring me my beer quickly. The table was appalled. For about 3 seconds. Then everyone burst into laughter. It's no big whoop to use a term like that.

"Listen. Bring me my beer, quickly. I asked 10 minutes ago, and I'm thirsty. If you don't bring me my beer, I'm gonna hide at the end of the bar, and Jap you. You got me? Understand? I'm gonna paint the fence, wax-on wax-off, Do the Crane on your face, Thank you for playing Mr. Miyagi, now go fuck yourself and get me beer. Or I'm going to go all Nagasaki on you're ass."

I miss those days. It's good fun to joke. And by the way, in my opinion, that event is something that should never EVER be forgotten. And it is part of the history of the people whose country perpetrated the crimes....

I defy you. Do an impression of a German person. You're not going to sound like Dieter from "Sprockets."

(BTW....Mike Myers, more genius....funniest line ever on SNL???? "I am so full of anticipation that my genitals have sucked up into my body cavity. Before we begin… before we begin, would you like to touch my Monkey? ") You are going to outstretch your hand in a Nazi Salute and say "Heil Hitler." Go ahead...try it.

It sickens me when I hear people in an airport complaining about the security wait times. Get there early you jerk. People who look a lot like every Arab I've ever seen on 24 stole a bunch of planes and flew them willy nilly into a couple of fucking buildings a few years ago. At the time,I didn't live that far outside of New York City. My children went to elementary school with 2 kids who lost parents in the WTC bombing. That was not even 9 years ago, yet we forget so quickly. We worry about offending people who can't plan their trip to the airport properly??? Who is still worrying about those kids with 2 dead fathers? Who's helping to raise them?

Listen. This is simple. Puerto Rican's like to wear big earrings and their parents move in with you after your marry one of their women. Japanese people sneak attack. And they have funny eyes and are short with straight black hair. Chinese people, everything in the world takes "ten minuh..." Irish guys have small dicks. (I swear man, that's not true....I don't even know why I mentioned it.) I meant to say that Irish guys drink a lot. That's true. Black guys are better at basketball than I am. Black chicks wear hair extensions that fall out all over the streets of Philadelphia, and they all have tattoo's of someone from their neighborhood who's been shot. Guys with big noses usually have big hoses. Am I right? Russian's all like Vodka, the French will lay down for anyone, and the English all have bad teeth. It's ok. We still can like those people...

Don't hate it. Embrace it. It's not racist. It's insensitive. But insensitive can by hysterical. I love that little Asian speed skater, Apolo Anton Ohno. That son of a bitch makes me proud to be an American.

By the way. If you have not seen Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay, it is the single most politically incorrect movie in history. AND IT'S HILARIOUS!!!!! Check out this scene about Asian people and their eyes.

At one point, this guy was a Genius. Maybe he still is.

I could just do this for weeks on end, posting old Saturday Night Live Videos here for today's Yutes (thats YOUTHS for all you youngin's who haven't seen My Cousin Vinny...) to watch and laugh. Maybe I will.

Chevy Chase does a Public Service Announcement on behalf of Milk...