Friday, October 8, 2010

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Seinfeld on Blackberries and Iphones

Seinfeld's take on Halloween!

I've always loved his take on this holiday. Hysterical.



I love this line. "Well let me see if the box says anything about me being superman."

Monday, August 9, 2010

Will Ferrell as Robert Goulet on Conan

Maybe the greatest spot on a talk show ever....

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Jokes from the late night talk show hosts

"Have you been following the big oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico? Or as we call it now, the Dead Sea." –David Letterman

"There is so much oil now in the Gulf of Mexico, and you can thank the folks of British Petroleum for this, so much oil in the Gulf, you can now park on it." –David Letterman

"And tar is washing up onto the beaches — big globs of tar. And people are saying, 'Is that going to ruin our summer at the beach?' No, of course not. You take the big blobs of tar and you use them to hold down your blanket." –David Letterman

"This oil spill in the Gulf is affecting everybody. In fact, when I went to lunch this weekend and ordered the sea bass, they asked if I wanted it regular or unleaded." —David Letterman

"British Petroleum said today that if this spill gets worse, they may soon have to start drilling for water." —Jay Leno

"Dick Cheney's pals at Halliburton ... say they're going to do the underwater cement job to plug the hole. I thought, wait a minute, this is a mistake. Underwater cement? You call the mafia. Am I right?" —David Letterman

"The oil company said it was the rig company's fault. The rig company said it was Halliburton. And somehow, each time they passed the blame, Goldman Sachs made a hundred million dollars." —Bill Maher

"We're still dropping things on it. This is like if your toilet overflowed and you tried to fix it by smashing it with a brick. Their next idea is to get the old lady from Titanic and she's going to throw her jewelry at it." —Bill Maher, on the oil spill in the Gulf

"You folks been following the big British Petroleum oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico? I'm telling you, British Petroleum has put more birds in oil than Colonel Sanders." —David Letterman

"On Monday, British Petroleum promised to pay all necessary cleanup costs for this oil spill. And they said they will do it, no matter how much they have to raise gas prices." —Jay Leno

"They say the oil spill has the potential to kill more wildlife than a Sarah Palin hunting trip." —David Letterman

"This is the worst thing to happen to beaches since the Speedo." —Bill Maher, on the oil spill on the Gulf of Mexico

"The plan is to contain the oil slick with fire-retardant beams, and then set fire to the oil that pools on the surface. They say if it works there in the Gulf, they're going to try it on the cast of Jersey Shore." —Bill Maher

"By the way, Sarah Palin, if you're watching, how is that offshore drilling working out for ya?" —David Letterman

"Bad news, it's going to be a huge environmental disaster, the oil rig down there in the Gulf of Mexico. The good news is they think now that the oil spill will be diluted by the melting ice caps." —David Letterman

"In a new interview, BP's CEO said that the Gulf Coast oil spill is relatively tiny compared to the 'very big ocean.' That's like telling someone who's just been shot not to worry about the bullet because they're really, really fat." –Jimmy Fallon

"Scientists say they have developed a car that can run on water. The only catch is, the water has to come from the Gulf of Mexico." -Jay Leno

"I love this. On the news today, the CEO of British Petroleum says he believes the overall environmental impact of this oil spill will be very, very modest. Yeah. If you live in England!" –Jay Leno

"BP has inserted a siphon tube into the well to suck up all the oil from the spill. And they've had a lot of experience in this area, by the way. This is the same tube they've been using to suck the money out of our wallets for the past 50 years." –Jay Leno

"What they're going to do is they're going to suck all of that oil that's leaking into the gulf and pump it up into a tanker. Now the bad news is the tanker is the Exxon Valdez." –David Letterman

"In Louisiana, BP claims that it's making progress with the leaking oil in the Gulf. They're working on a plan to heat the Gulf up to 600 degrees and use it to fry chicken." –Jimmy Kimmel

Saturday, May 22, 2010

"The good news is, the spill should be diluted by the Melting Icecaps."

That's a quote from David Letterman. And if the oil spill disaster in the Gulf wasn't such a major disaster, this would be funny.

I try to keep things fairly light on here, but I'm getting pissed. So I'm going to take a minute to rant and link to a few things for posterity.

We all know the story of Hurricane Katrina. I have to admit. This does NOT look dangerous to me....




August 29, 2005, the Sixth largest Hurricane in history made landfall near New Orleans. It was the largest natural disaster to ever strike the United States. 80% of the city of New Orleans was flooded when the levee system gave way. Citizens of the United States came Un-Fucking-glued when the government didn't respond quickly enough.

Let me vent on that. We didn't respond quickly enough to help people who decided to ignore warnings to evacuate a city when the (at the time) strongest hurricane EVER RECORDED IN THE HISTORY OF THE GULF OF MEXICO was bearing down on their city, and they lived basically in a ditch between the Atlantic Ocean and a gigantic fucking lake. I'm not a fucking rocket scientist, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night, and one time I played a rocket scientist on TV. These people IGNORED WARNINGS and stayed in the face of the impending doom. Then bitched that George Bush and the US government wasn't responding fast enough.

On September 3, 2005, MENSA candidate Kanye West declared that George Bush "doesn't care about black people." 4 days later!

4 days? Honestly? That means the President of the United States doesn't like an entire race of people? He's mad that the President didn't send the Army in to search for thousands of people who CHOSE to stay across hundreds of square miles of devastation. In college, we left Papa Johns pizza boxes sitting 2 feet from the couch piled up in the corner of the apartment (until furry mold grew from them) for months at a time, because it was too much effort to pick it up and carry it 4 feet to a trash can.

Do you get my point here?

Now zip forward to today, May 22, 2010. Over a month ago, an oil rig owned by a British company exploded in the Gulf of Mexico, spilling tens or even hundreds of thousands of gallons a day of oil. A month later, and essentially nothing has changed. NOTHING HAS CHANGED AFTER A MONTH! We are talking about something 5,000 feet away from the surface of the ocean. I can walk to a Wawa in 5,000 feet. The leak is 5,000 feet away, not on the damned moon!!!

Let me put this in perspective. The Exxon Valdez disaster spilled 11 million barrels of oil. This disaster has already spilled 6 million, with no end in sight. The most LIBERAL of news sources, MSNBC, (home to Olberman and Maddow....aka Team Kanye) says that this will be worse than the Valdez. My commentary is simple. Where is the outrage that the government is not doing enough? Why does Barack Obama not get skewered for the response to this disaster? Especially when his party is the party that is supposed to be the one caring for the environment.

I guess I understand it. First, it's just not cool to rip him because of the color of his skin. It's racist to say he's not responding fast enough. Second, George Bush was an easy target. (And he was, believe me, he did enough dumb shit that Republicans may never get elected again.) Third, I think everyone still feels like offshore drilling is a Republican issue. I believe, and maybe I'm a conspiracy theorist, that the Dems are letting this thing leak intentionally, to create an environmental catastrophe. Then they can look up and say "hey, we told you offshore drilling was bad. Let's stop letting anyone drill." People like Obama. Shit, I'd like to attend a beer summit with the guy. He's charismatic and a great speaker. It still doesn't absolve him of responsibility.

Bottom line here is this.

Barack Obama took over the auto industry. He's helped guide congress into taking control of the health industry. He took control of some major insurance and financial institutions. He was quick to act in all of those areas. Why not now? Why let a FOREIGN company continue oversight of this disaster. I simply don't get it.

Jay Leno had a great line a week or two ago.

"I love this. On the news today, the CEO of British Petroleum says he believes the overall environmental impact of this oil spill will be very modest. Yeah. If you live in ENGLAND!"

Let's get real. We have the ability to fix this problem, and we can fix it today. They had a concrete cap to seal the well that was stymied because ice crystals formed inside. Have you ever heard of heat? Fuck, I've been hearing about global warming incessantly for 20 years. We can't figure out how to just put a heater inside that cap and keep the ice from forming. Come on. Me and my kids can fix this shit with a few AA batteries, for crying out loud.

In the end, I want 2 things to stop.

The spill. It's a damned catastrophe. Let's fix it today. Barack Obama, please get control of this thing, put every resource of our government on the problem, and try something every day to solve the crisis.

The free pass that we give the President. I'm OK with the bashing George Bush took. There was some truth behind it. But let's not give the new guy a free pass. It's time to speak up, and demand that something be done.

My final thought is this. I can't help but wonder. Did we have the wrong presidents in place at the wrong times? I mean, a black president during Katrina would certainly have reacted quicker. And if he hadn't, at least we would not have had the divisive arguments that race played a part in the response. And I can't help but think that with his knowledge and connections in the Oil industry, George Bush would certainly have had a better response to this disaster.

If we could only swap their places in history.







Friday, May 7, 2010

The Lady I know

If you've never seen this clip with Dana Carvey from the SNL years, your life has been missing something. You are welcome. Go on with the rest of your life now.


I am not joking, I'm excited to see this.

I'm taking the family today to see this. I really liked the first one. Hope this one is as good.





And I can't leave out the music video...




Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Ashamed and Proud

As my moniker and blog title might imply, I attended an institute of higher learning called "JMU." James Madison University, which is located in Harrisonburg, Virginia. It is a wonderful area, beautiful and scenic, and the place where I spent the most fun 6 or 7 years of my life. It's a good school. A really good one. It was when I went, and it still is. And I'm very proud to be an alumnus of the University.



Recently an event occurred at the school which has cast it into the news around the Washington, DC area. It has been an embarrassing story which I've tried to follow through websites, news outlets and fellow alumni from the area, since I now live near Philadelphia.

For many years, going back to the late 80's and early 90's when I attended, there has been a block party in April in a townhouse community called "Forest Hills." It was basically a street with one entrance/exit (as I remember it) filled with town homes. The residents would pick a weekend, and tell everyone "hey. Let's all get kegs on such and such date, and invite our friends. Turn it into a big block party." That's how I remember it happening, and I attended it more than once.

With the growth of social media, and the history of 20+ years of partying to go along with it, the Forest Hills Block Party has grown and grown. This year, the students had the idea of creating Facebook "fan" pages, and the like. It became a party that students from other colleges would want to attend.

To make a long story short, the party got out of hand. Riot police were brought in, and tear gas was used to disperse the crowds. Cars were damaged. Property was damaged. Many arrests were made. A schools reputation was damaged. Here is an example of one YouTube video I found regarding the incident.




Watching this video, I can't help but be anything other than ashamed. YouTube search for Springfest Riots, there are tons more. This was the first that popped up.

But over the last week or two, another story has developed, of which I feel a certain sense of pride. The police and the University have a bit of egg on their face. They are doing a bit of a witch hunt, tracking down YouTube videos and other postings of pictures to try to identify people who may have been involved in the criminal activity. I think it may be excessive, but so be it.

The student run newspaper at JMU is called "The Breeze." They had staff photographers and people assigned to cover the large party, and it obviously turned out to be a larger news story than anyone expected. On Friday, the Commonwealth's Attorney showed up at the offices of the paper with a warrant to seize any and all photos regarding the incident. Refusal to turn the photos over would result in all computers and equipment being confiscated, which would make continuing to produce the paper impossible. They wound up confiscating over 900 photos. But the student editor in chief realized that this was a violation of the federal Privacy Protection Act. She sought legal counsel, consulted her faculty advisers, and contacted an organization that helps give legal advice and protection to student run newspapers. For this, I am proud. This young lady, Katie Thisdell, has the guts and fortitude to stand up for free speech, privacy protection, and overall civil liberties in the face of quite a firestorm. I'm not sure that I would have the courage to do that now. I'm almost positive that I wouldn't have had the balls to do it then.

I've simplified the story. If you would like to read more, here is an article from the Breeze.

Congratulations Katie and the rest of the staff at the Breeze. You made me proud to be a JMU graduate again. Fight the good fight. Good luck.

Friday, April 2, 2010

More political incorrectness

I loved my post so much yesterday, I thought I'd share another clip from Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay. The movie is chock full of scenes like this.




Best line in the whole thing is the black guy in the background who yells "ask if they have any Kool-Aid." Hysterical.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Political Correctness and Japanese People

A month or so ago, just after the Olympics, I was having a few beers with my brother and some friends at a local watering hole. (OK, OK, I admit, I was shitfaced at Victory Brewing Company. You're so fucking smart...) The conversations turned to political correctness, and how people that aren't white just look funny.

Our era of Political Correctness sickens me. People are just appalled when you make a joke based on ethnicity. But that shit is funny. And on top of that, I think this era of political correctness diminishes and downplays real-world political situations that are dangerous and worthy of at least some measured form of "keeping one's guard up."

I'm forty years old. I grew up in the 70's. It seemed like ancient history at the time to me, but World War 2 was only 25 years in the rear view mirror at that point. Like, that's how long ago I graduated high school. (Actually, 1987, but close enough for my purposes here.) It's not THAT far back. Like 1985, the MOVE bombing in Philadelphia occurred. Reagan took his second oath of office. "Careless Whisper" by WHAM! was the number one song. Foreigner wanted to know what love was in 1985. Eddie Murphy's girl wanted to Party all the Time in 1985.



That's pretty recent, right?

So with that in mind, I can remember plenty of political IN-correctness from my youth. But looking back, I think it was justified. Remember when a friend snuck up on you, we used to call that "japping" someone. Rightfully so. Those motherfuckers pulled off the ultimate sneak attack of all time. (Which, by the way, led to a pretty fucking disappointing Jerry Bruckheimer movie 60 years later that I still resent the short black haired slanty eyed people for....)

I actually said that I was going to "Jap" a waitress or waiter at Victory that night if they didn't bring me my beer quickly. The table was appalled. For about 3 seconds. Then everyone burst into laughter. It's no big whoop to use a term like that.

"Listen. Bring me my beer, quickly. I asked 10 minutes ago, and I'm thirsty. If you don't bring me my beer, I'm gonna hide at the end of the bar, and Jap you. You got me? Understand? I'm gonna paint the fence, wax-on wax-off, Do the Crane on your face, Thank you for playing Mr. Miyagi, now go fuck yourself and get me beer. Or I'm going to go all Nagasaki on you're ass."

I miss those days. It's good fun to joke. And by the way, in my opinion, that event is something that should never EVER be forgotten. And it is part of the history of the people whose country perpetrated the crimes....

I defy you. Do an impression of a German person. You're not going to sound like Dieter from "Sprockets."



(BTW....Mike Myers, more genius....funniest line ever on SNL???? "I am so full of anticipation that my genitals have sucked up into my body cavity. Before we begin… before we begin, would you like to touch my Monkey? ") You are going to outstretch your hand in a Nazi Salute and say "Heil Hitler." Go ahead...try it.

It sickens me when I hear people in an airport complaining about the security wait times. Get there early you jerk. People who look a lot like every Arab I've ever seen on 24 stole a bunch of planes and flew them willy nilly into a couple of fucking buildings a few years ago. At the time,I didn't live that far outside of New York City. My children went to elementary school with 2 kids who lost parents in the WTC bombing. That was not even 9 years ago, yet we forget so quickly. We worry about offending people who can't plan their trip to the airport properly??? Who is still worrying about those kids with 2 dead fathers? Who's helping to raise them?

Listen. This is simple. Puerto Rican's like to wear big earrings and their parents move in with you after your marry one of their women. Japanese people sneak attack. And they have funny eyes and are short with straight black hair. Chinese people, everything in the world takes "ten minuh..." Irish guys have small dicks. (I swear man, that's not true....I don't even know why I mentioned it.) I meant to say that Irish guys drink a lot. That's true. Black guys are better at basketball than I am. Black chicks wear hair extensions that fall out all over the streets of Philadelphia, and they all have tattoo's of someone from their neighborhood who's been shot. Guys with big noses usually have big hoses. Am I right? Russian's all like Vodka, the French will lay down for anyone, and the English all have bad teeth. It's ok. We still can like those people...

Don't hate it. Embrace it. It's not racist. It's insensitive. But insensitive can by hysterical. I love that little Asian speed skater, Apolo Anton Ohno. That son of a bitch makes me proud to be an American.

By the way. If you have not seen Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay, it is the single most politically incorrect movie in history. AND IT'S HILARIOUS!!!!! Check out this scene about Asian people and their eyes.





Monday, March 15, 2010

At one point, this guy was a Genius. Maybe he still is.

I could just do this for weeks on end, posting old Saturday Night Live Videos here for today's Yutes (thats YOUTHS for all you youngin's who haven't seen My Cousin Vinny...) to watch and laugh. Maybe I will.

Chevy Chase does a Public Service Announcement on behalf of Milk...




Monday, February 22, 2010

Mr. Tarkanian, the boss from hell


If you haven't seen this clip from Will Ferrell, go and put on your depends undergarments right now. Fact: You will wet your pants. And maybe crap yourself from laughing so hard. I'm serious. Go put your depends on, then click here. 5 minutes of pure comedy.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

www.Zipit.com


I busted out the "zip it" routine from Austin Powers on my kids today. They think I'm the funniest man alive. Damned copyright laws won't let me post the video, so here is the link.

The bit where he talks like a Japanese guy, then does "Subtitles.......Zip it" kills me every time.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Remember this?

Does Noxzema remind you of the past? What was up with that stuff? Did everyone's mom used to make them use Noxzema? What was in that blue jar anyway? And why did it smell the way it did? Every time I smell that stuff it reminds me of being at some Polish Bakery in Queens hanging with my Grandmother eating Kruschiki's.


Or better yet, what's with the giddy up these ladies have on in this video? And why do they seem to be so cheerful about rubbing the salve of death on their faces?






I personally don't remember the pump, I remember my Noxzema just like the one pictured above. Just a blue jar of face pain. My recollection of this product is simply lighting my face on fire for a good 20-30 minutes. It didn't do anything but scare away acne. So I guess it worked.



Thursday, February 11, 2010

Qik - Mobile video by jmumonty

The morning after snow and the 5th of July

2 years ago, I on the 3rd of July, I drove to Maryland with my kids and spent $400 buying fireworks that were illegal in the state of PA. On the 4Th of July, it rained. I couldn't use them. So, at nightfall, around 9pm on the 5Th of July, my wife, little guys (at the time 7 and 8), my teenagers, a few neighborhood kids and some younger nephews all gathered in the front yard to watch the "show." We blew off 2 mortars, and out comes my asshole neighbor (that's literally what we all call him now) from his house like a maniac. (he had just moved in, I'd literally never met him.) He screams "What the fuck, you gonna set off fucking fireworks on the 5Th of July? Fucking stop! I've got a wife and kids trying to sleep"

My wife was mad, but I was calm, and I said "First of all, it's nice to meet you. Second, it's 9pm. Third, dude, it rained all night last night, everyone is lighting fireworks off tonight." To which he turns and yells towards his wife "call the cops."

2 points to note here:

1. You are a mother humping douche bag if you are the type of person who calls the cops for neighbors lighting fireworks, unless one of those fireworks has started a fire on your roof or struck a family member.
2. Your fireworks lighting neighbor who also happens to own a SNOW BLOWER will absolutely enjoy every moment of watching you and your ugly fucking wife shovel 40+ inches of snow over the course of 5 days without every THINKING of pushing said blower across the street and being "neighborly." You asshole. How's your back feel? Douche.

Anyway, here is video of my driveway, nice and clear after 20 minutes with the snow blower this morning. This was filmed with my little RCA flip style Internet camcorder. I'll also post a comparative video filmed with my new iPhone app, Qik. It's a free app that allows the first gen and the first 3G to film video.



video

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

For those of you not in the Snowstorm

and you want to see what's up, here is video of @maelysa (my wife, Maria) smoking, and a shitload of snow.


video

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Snowmaggedon and it's little brother

So, this past Friday and Saturday we had Snowmaggedon. The worst snowstorm in God-knows-how-many years. The second worst on record here in this area. I'm sure you've all read about it. Hell, even President Obama talked about this storm. Snowpocalypse. KaiserSnowze. Snowmaggedon. The Blizzard of 2010. The storm that caved in JMUmonty's fucking gazebo. Call it what you will.

Tonight, his not-so-little brother (or sister, I haven't checked to see if it has a thingy yet) is coming.

And like any good sequel, I have to give this storm a good sequel title. So here are my nominees. Feel free to chime in at the comment section:

Snowmaggedon 2
Snowmaggedon 2: The Temple of Doom
Snowmaggedon and the Chamber of Secrets
Snowmaggedon: The Plow Driver Strikes Back ( I like that one, because it can also be used as the sequel title for an Amish horror movie)
Snowmaggedon 2: The Spawning
Snomag-gaiden (look it up if you don't understand)
Snowmaggedon: Liberty City Stories
Dawn of the Snowmaggedon
Snowmaggedon II: The Adventure of Link
Son of Snowmaggedon
The Return of Snowmaggedon
Snowmaggedon Returns
Snowmaggedon, Too
The Chronicles of Snowmaggedon: Pitch White
Thirty Days of White
Snowmaggedon 2: Judgement Day
Snowmaggedon: The snowstorm who shagged me
Snowmaggedon: Escape from Guantanamo Bay
The Snowmaggedon Supremacy
Next Snowmaggedon
Meet the Snowmaggedon's
A Fistful of Snow
Snowmaggedon 2: The Meltdown
Snowmaggedon: Evolution
Snowmaggedon: Revenge of the fallen snow
Snowmaggedon 2: The Golden Army
Snowmaggedon Reloaded
Beyond Snowmaggedon

Please cast your vote or suggest others in the comment section below.







Sunday, February 7, 2010

A Very Brady Nightmare

I woke up in a cold sweat this morning at 4:40 am. No, not my prostate again, this time it was a NIGHTMARE! Holy Mackerel! I was in a full blown panic. For some reason, I woke up really concerned about a mystery that has existed in the back of my brain for some 30 years. And don't ask me why it struck me tonight. I have no idea.

Remember when the Brady's took that trip to the grand canyon? And remember when Bobby and Cindy got lost, and met that young Indian boy, Jimmy Pakaya? Remember they snuck him beans in an empty flashlight? Whatever happened to that kid? He ran away from his Indian home. I hope he's OK.

These questions have haunted me. Why is Florence Henderson wearing a polyester pantsuit at the bottom of the sweltering Grand Canyon? And when did Greg Brady pick up those sweet ranger-like tracking skills? I'm beginning to get the idea that this didn't really happen.

Here's a link to the clip for those who don't know what I'm talking about. Damned copyright laws won't allow me to post it here.


Jimmy, if you are out there, just let me know that you're OK! I hope you achieved your dream of becoming an astronaut.


Saturday, January 30, 2010

Talent and Vince Vaughn

I wish I had any talent at all at anything other than being loud in bars and doing bad Vince Vaughn impressions. (BTW, greatest comedic actor ever. Not open to discussion.)

I wish I could play the guitar. I wish I wrote this song. I wish I sang like Eddie Vedder any place other than my own shower. When nobody is around.

Ladies and Gentlemen. I give you the greatest song ever. Pearl Jam's "Black". Unplugged.





Wednesday, January 20, 2010

A rant. Come on, I'm allowed one a month, right?

So, I don't like to admit this publicly. But I'm pretty much addicted to Twitter. I love it. I love the connections. The new friendships. The instantaneous way that we as an Internet community exchange important messages. We have absolutely created a paradigm shift with regards to new delivery of information. Most recently, the Haitian Earthquake has proven to be such an event. I'm now following several people who were in Haiti for various reasons (prior to the quake) and reading their tweets nightly to see what sort of progress or stories of hope they bring back with them. This medium of Twitter is important in so many ways, and I believe that we've only scratched the surface with it.

Now here's my rant. Twitter is broken constantly. It's always down. It never works. "Bad Gateway." "Twitter is over capacity." "Twitter can't handle all your awesome today, Mr. @JMUmonty." Then it happens. I see the dreaded, damned, cursed picture.



I hate this guy...

This rotten, no good, fat, lazy slob, son of a bitch, freeloading ass clown that is the smug little Fucking Fail Whale makes me want to reach through my screen and grab @Ev and @Jack by their tiny little short and curly fucking pubic hairs and taint-punch them. (Jeez Johnny, Run on sentence much???) Don't stop me, I'm on a roll here. Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor???





By the way. Who is this asshole? An Owl? Who? I hope you get eaten by some animal that is higher than you on the food chain, who's name at this current time seems to escape me, Mr. Stupid Owl.

Or this stupid upside down bird that is made of suck? "Something went wrong?" No shit? The birds upside down with those stupid dead-eye "X's" that I used to see when someone died on the Tom and Jerry cartoons was my first clue.

I mean, I could do this all day. Here's the stinking bird on a branch. I'd like to snap the branch and beat him with it.
How many different pictures do they need to tell us their site is broken????

Twitter is important, dammit. And I'm an addict. Why does it have to go down ALL THE TIME?!?!?!?! If Twitter is going to be the important medium that me and millions of other fans want it to be, they have to get this crap fixed. PLEASE!!!!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

I'm inspired by A Damned Yak

Yesterday, on blog extraordinaire, That Blue Yak, Author Dr. Zibbs asked some very important and hard-biting questions of the musical genius that is the Marshall Tucker Band. It moved me. Moved me, and then I got a tweet this morning that said get off your fat ass and write another blog post. (thanks Zibbs) So I'm going to piggy back on the Yak, and ask what I feel is a very important question.

Which brings me to the other day. I'm watching the movie "Up in the Air" starring George Clooney. (Not bad. Some funny parts.) In the movie, there is a performance by Rap Artist "Young MC" who sang bust a move back in the day. Trust me, he should be called Geriatric MC, or MC artificial hip at this point, but I digress. I started to think about other rap stars. Who's alive, and what sort of shape are they in? Biz Markie was no picnic in the day. No chance he's around. And my wife and I ran into MC Hammer in the Elevator of the Mandalay Bay a few years ago, so I know he's still around.

But then it struck me: What about Heavy D and the Boys? I mean, dude was heavy 20 years ago. I can't imagine what he weighs now. So I checked out the original videos for both Young and Heavy. And the clothing is awesomely bad.

What's worse? The dancing yellow raincoats and alleyway dice game in "Now that we found love?"




Or the spandex that say "Boy" and the GIGANTIC yellow bow in the hair of the slut in the movie theater of Young MC's "Bust a move?"



What do you think? And what's with the chef's hat that Heavy D was wearing?

And, is that sort of a black guy mullet at the end of the Young MC video?

Move it, boy!

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Best nintendo game ever? Or How I learned to stop worrying and love the game...




The original NES (That's Nintendo Entertainment System, for you Newbs) was the platform. JMU was the college. Milwaukee's Best Light was the fuel.

So here is the equation:


Plus

Plus This

Equals This:

Dusty Diamond's All-Star Softball. You can read about it here:


It's pretty much the most awesome game ever. And maybe one of the reasons why I had to take a semester off of college to get my life back in order. (nowadays known as "rehab.") You're welcome, Internet.

Just be sure not to let this game occupy your life.